Ray D. Shosay's Journal: Dispatches from a (junior) suite in Paris (excerpt)

I am having trouble downloading Skype on the hotel computer, which rejects any and all attempts to import alien content onto the hard drive. I tried getting in touch with Jean-Pierre Soutric, but he was off to his apartment in the Marais and therefore unable to intervene on my behalf.

I need the Skype software because my iPod coach is in Egypt giving a seminar that seems to have been organized, indirectly and for motives that are sufficiently vague, by Clive Davis and he won't talk to me on the phone for fear of incurring punitive roaming charges. The problem is that I somehow downloaded 60GB of electronica onto my iPod over-writing all the play lists that he spent hundreds of hours orchestrating after several comprehensive and exhaustive consulting sessions with me, which included psychological and aptitude testing along with recommendations from no less than three independent focus group specialists located in Los Angeles, London and Caracas.

This mishap occurred after a fille sympa discovered the Credence tracks I had covertly added to a play list, knowing that my iPod coach would have decommissioned if he'd known about it. She was down to her thong and escarpins when she asked if I'd mind her listening to music whilst she submitted to my will. I had no incentive to decline her request, but neither did I have cause to think she'd stumble onto 'Run Through the Jungle' and suffer such an adverse reaction. This horrible gaffe on my part not only ruined what promised to be a perfectly historic evening with the top left-foot model in Europe, but my reputation as well if she turns out to be half the gossip I believe her to be.

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